i see you
by leave.me.be.let.me.go
Summary: my perspective from some events that happened this summer. **trigger warning: suicide attempt**


p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see you smiling at me, rushing towards me to twirl me in your arms as we dance in the rain./p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see you, curled into a ball, struggling not to cry underneath the tree that thursday night./p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see you, my arms wrapped around you as you shake, sobbing with the fear of yourself. /p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see you, playing your game the night before. You seemed happy. I didn't want to burden you./p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see you, storming past me into the back room, notebook in hand. I thought you were going to write off steam, like you'd done so many times before./p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see Mikey, your best friend. It's time for flags. We can't find you. I know where you are. Guilt stabs at me. You're mad at me. I don't want to make things worse. I give him my keys and he goes to find you. /p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"I see Paul, the camp director. He comes rushing out of the leader lounge as we're two steps down the hill. He shouts at everyone to stop. We stumble to a halt. I look for you and Mikey. You haven't returned. My heart begins to speed up. They call emergency drills. Staff sprints down the hill and back up the other side of the valley. I find Huron and Winnebago. Sam is in Winnebago. This is all my fault. This is all my fault. No one knows what's going on. I pull out my phone to see if maybe we have an alert from the county. Maybe there's somebody dangerous we need to be aware of. There's no county alert. There's three messages from you, thirteen minutes prior. emCall 911 immediately. PleAse. I jhust drank eater sheen. /emI begin to shake. Thirteen minutes. I'm too late. I'm too late. I don't know what's going on. I don't know why we're lined up. Am I allowed to go find you. I don't know what the hell eater sheen is. I can tell you were shaking as you texted me. I can't find you. I see Mikey running towards the handicraft building, same as I am. He doesn't have my keys. So many people have snuck in recently that I locked it down tight. We can't find a single blasted window I left unlocked. The very last window I check, our last hope, it's open. I climb through. I don't know where you are. I don't know why Mikey doesn't have my keys. Mikey's shaking, he's panicking. I think I'm looking for a body. Your body. Images race through my head. You're sprawled across the floor. There's blood everywhere. But I open the door to the back room and you're not there. You're not there. Where did you go? Mikey grabs the bottle from under the desk. He knows what he's here for. We go out the way we came. That window will serve as my point of entry to my building for the next week and a half. They take my keys when they take you. Mikey and I sprint back up to admin. He gives Doc the bottle. All I see of you is your hunched form sitting on the bed, hair hanging in front of your face. I can't see your face, I can't see your wrists. I don't know that you'll be okay. Mikey's pacing. He's crying. I can't breathe. Thisisallmyfaultthisisallmyfaultthisisallmyfault. I'm about to cry. A small child asks me if you're my brother. I tell him you might as well have been. You were one of my best friends. And I let you down. I pull myself together. There are other people who need to be taken care of. There's my staff. They need me. I have to take care of them. I have to leave you. Heather says you're fine and I have to trust her. Now I just have to fix the rest of us. /p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;" /p  
p style="margin: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"A/N: Hey guys. If you read this, thanks for bearing with me. If you connected with any of this, I am so sorry. This is a short chunk of my perspective in some events that happened at camp this summer, primarily one of my close friends attempting suicide. This may be a one shot, but I might add on more if I need to later. This was enough for tonight. My DM's are alway open if anyone needs help and/or has questions. You are all beautiful human beings. 3/p 


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